Self-Soothing Yourself Out Of The *DQ* Stigma

Self-Soothing Yourself Out Of The *DQ* Stigma

The Irony of Being Sensitive & Expressive

Being dramatic is a way to experience and express a greater range of emotion. Each emotion is an offering and a request at the same time, symbolically showing up (and standing up) for those parts within us that need to be seen & heard. It’s important to accept those parts of us unconditionally, because every part of our personality that we do not love will regress and become hostile to us.

It’s time to engage in a quest to fix this glitch: to feel and express more love for parts of our personality we have dismissed or marginalized. That way any self-sabotage we have suffered from in the past can be diminished. That’s what makes a Drama Queen a QUEEN. She’s the Queen of Her ISH. A self-cleaning oven… self-sustaining, self-loving.

The *DQ* Stigma…

Can I get a hug? #dramaqueen #DQEQ

Sometimes being emotionally expressive can be a blessing and a curse, especially when it digresses into misunderstandings or unintentionally creates conflict.


What people most associate with drama is the sense that the *DQ* is someone who is behaving in an extreme, inappropriate or self-serving way, as if their emotional experience should take precedence over anyone else’s experience. People feel this disproportionate sense of entitlement; nobody wants to be manipulated into relinquishing their self interests to pacify someone else. People don’t want to be your babysitter. That’s the bias implied in the subtext whenever a person is labeled a *DQ* 

You might say this makes sense if the *DQ* is an over-the-top, larger-than-life personality who sucks the air out of a room – but what about those that simply haven’t developed the finesse to self-soothe and communicate clearly when caught up in “the feels” at the same time? What if you’re afflicted with RBF (Resting Bitch Face) and you’re so busy clearing up misconceptions about your personality that you sometimes feel compelled to give people what they ask for, scolding yourself later…? What if people mistake your emotional awkwardness as a manipulation tactic?

Being Dramatic Does Not Make You A Drama Queen

Here’s the thing – feeling your feelings to the Nth degree doesn’t make you dramatic. Expressing your feelings to the Nth degree might just do that though. Not that there’s anything wrong with that, girl! A woman that experiences life with every emotional ounce of her being is not always a drama queen.

So ask yourself – what’s your real goal? Do you want to vent? Do you want to make a request? Are you looking for answers or an audience? Do you think you could be demonstrating those hyperbolic personality traits that get you the Side Eye from friends & fam…? Colleagues, bosses, prospects…? the waiter at lunch…? the guy at happy hour…?

What makes you a *DQ*? Are there miles of rolling eyeballs & shaking heads in your wake? Here are some clues for you, in case you weren’t aware, and fyi, drama can be subtle too…

  • Do people joke about giving you an Academy Award for your “performances”?
  • Are you compared to silent screen stars like Sara Bernhardt & Greta Garbo?
  • Are people always *shushing,* minimizing or placating you…? Asking if you’re “ok”?
  • Does your style of humor get shaking heads & crickets?
  • Do you over analyze the tiniest things people say?
  • Do you secretly doubt yourself to the highest degree?


The communication breakdown could be where awkwardness meets anxiety… In a moment when you might not have a ready answer in what feels like a high stakes situation. It’s possible to be misunderstood because you can’t adequately put words to emotions that have a life of their own right when you need strength and clarity… and then they come out as tears or some vehement declaration of independence.

In that moment, you, Miss Drama Queen, get to do a quick check-in… What are you so sensitive about? What do you truly need right now? Connecting with that is where you’ll find your truth. Fear is a mask for desire. Maybe the situation is a sensitive topic because it feels like there’s a lot at stake with something you really want. You’re invested. You want what you want. But what is that? Why is that so important to you?

The opportunity for you now, is to respond to those queens inside you so they can be seen & heard too. As a newborn you learn from your interactions with your parents that the world is reliable; now you can be Lady Boss to the multiple personalities reaching for the mic right now in your mind’s eye. Those parts inside you deserve your affection and sensitivity too. 

Take a look at how your inner narrative has been influenced. Question where your thoughts come from. Many times we talk to ourselves the way we were spoken to… Many times the things we say to ourselves never came from us but towards us. Whose voices would have said those things? We can free ourselves from a lot of generational dysfunctional indoctrination by challenging the thoughtless chatter playing in our heads. 

In the interest of immediate relief… A little humor can go a long way.

Tomorrow is another day, Scarlet.

If this is an emotionally charged moment for you, you’ll do yourself a big favor by holding back from any knee-jerk instinctual reactions, and granting yourself enough peace to suspend judgment before coming to conclusions. A *DQ* recognizes her fiery nature and prepares for the pause.

It’s easy to fall into thinking that insists that to be authentic you have to put it all *out there,* but that gives others too much information to pick through in order to understand your point. You’ll get where you want to go if you communicate a simpler message with less angst.

Embracing your full range of emotions with affection & humor is a great way to comfort all of you at once, bringing instant relief to the anxiety that high stakes situations bring, imagined or not. Take a beat, get it together, clear your head & connect to a message that would most authentically and concisely get your point across. 

Then… let ‘em have it. With a clear heart & patient conviction. Accept any outcome and continue on, as the unique grounded sensitive expressive *DQ* you are… Allowing what doesn’t work to go while directing your energy towards what grows naturally. It’s all working out for you regardless.